Being Emo / Cutting

I was a cutter for 4 years of my youth, i cut several times a week, i cut the bottoms of my feet because the WHITE pain was amazing. It was quite the release, i started at my feet and gradually made my way up to my legs, that was pretty difficult at first i have always had beastly hairy legs. Then my thighs that white pain again was intoxicating, it wasn't for pleasure it was for a release once you experience the white you will understand. It takes you away from this universe and places you somewhere far far away. I then moved up to my stomach and chest, i quickly moved up to my arms and hands, then onto my neck and face, yes my face. This became an issue when i went to deep on my neck one day and i had to get medical treatment. Which in turn led to my being admitted to a mental hospital AGAINST my will.

I would then go on to endure two years of terrifying therapy, where i was forced to relive what had happened to me. The flash cards, the memory games, the hypnosis, the medications, the 4 point restraints, the mattress lying in the middle of the room with no frame just on the floor. All of it was just horrible, then to have to watch videos of terrible terrible things, this was my therapy? All in all my cutting led to something far far worse than what i had been doing to myself. So i learned how to suppress my anger, my hurt, my emotions which has done little to nothing for me today accept teach me how to be an "emotional wall" failed past relationships failed jobs until i learned that i could cut in private and as long as i told no one and chose my locations with precision i could once again embrace the WHITE. Now i live a much much healthier life, i am married with 5 kids, i have a home and a job. All in all ones perception on cutting is just an opinion, unless you yourself are a fully functioning cutter.